pete and bella

This was going to be a very different post.  It was going to be all about going to a college open house with my second daughter and the college admissions process and how it’s different for each child and how to navigate it…blah…blah…blah.  But in the process of helping my daughter become more prepared for the rigors of life and discover her dreams, it got a little exhausting.  It’s not an uncommon thing for any parent.  And for a single parent or acting single parent because of military or travelling spouses, it’s double the fun.

Before I start with my story, I want to say – I am hugely blessed.  I am grateful for everything I have and my kids are pretty great, too.  So here we go.

This weekend we were going to a college open house of a college my middle daughter is interested in.  Her older sister also happens to go to this college, as well, so we could go give her a visit, as well.  Hooray!  After talking to my oldest daughter who was willing to take our dog for a walk while we went into some indoor portions of the open house, we decided to take our dog.

Last night, I was already tired from working all week.  Then I packed and actually briefly got to attend a friend’s essential oil party to support her with my youngest son.  We had to wait on my middle daughter because she was closing at her job and so we didn’t leave until a little after 11 p.m.  I drove around 3 hours to get to our hotel so that everyone else could sleep.  I crashed as soon as we got to the hotel.  We had to wake up a few hours later to attend the open house.

My oldest daughter did not answer her phone after many calls and texts, so we had to wrangle the dog through a huge crowd and opening ceremony.  It was stressful on all of us.  A few hours later, my oldest daughter texted and asked if we still needed help.  I said yes and we joined up with her.  She was able to take our dog away from the crowd and my youngest wanted to go with her, too.

We finished the tour we were on about 20 minutes after that and walked through the student center and bookstore for a little before going to get everyone to take them to lunch.  My middle daughter wanted garlic bread, so she suggested Mellow Mushroom.

Why am I writing in such a robotic way?  Because I am exhausted, but still  hopped up on the  sugar and caffeine and peppermint I took to help me drive home.  But there’s more story to tell.

When we were in the restaurant and I had just given my oldest daughter a gift and money while we were enjoying a nice meal, the snark began.  My oldest daughter was sharing that she had read my blog and *gasp* I talked about them sometimes in it.  As if they were actually part of my life and experience or something.  It was actually pretty lighthearted at first and I let it roll off of my back as I do with most of their ribbing, but as I stretched myself and became more exhausted, I grew pretty irritated.

Everybody fell asleep on the way back, so I was again left to do all the driving by myself.  I had some time to think and it reminded me about the million little things I did to get them to where they were and to do special things for them like this day.  To the point of exhaustion.  I could have slept in today and read or gone to the beach or had lunch with friends or get a mani-pedi or…a million other things – you get the point.  And believe me, as soon as this sugar-caffeine-peppermint mixture wears off, I’m going to crash.

Don’t get me wrong.  I love doing it and I love them.  But at the same time, being a parent is exhausting and thankless most days, doing it alone even more so.  One person to be the stop gap of a village?  It’s a miracle for sure.  I exhausted myself, spent my money on them and what did I get in return? -they made fun of me and my writing.

And as I watched them adorably sleep in the car – sure, I had that moment of aww, that’s adorable, but then I also had a moment of wow – I wish that was me right now!  I wish that someone would drive me awesome places  and let me sleep on the way and take me on amazing vacations and all I had to do was pack and remember to carry my luggage.  I wish someone would take me out to eat and give me gifts and money just because they loved me.  And then pay all the bills while food and clean clothes magically appeared. And then put oils in my diffuser at night and rub my back and sing me to sleep.  Yeah, I’d pretty much fall madly in love with that person.

So I’m going to go crash now, so I can do more awesome adulting tomorrow, but for today – I’m done.



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